Nervous system: SHOT

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I have a friend who has a tricky family dynamic and two very spicy little kids. She said to me once that her nervous system is in crisis almost all the time, and when she said it, I didn't know what she was talking about. 

Now, I know. Oh man. Do I know. 

It's like you can never relax, never be completely off your guard, you are constantly on edge, having experienced it too many times, you know that chaos, disaster and warfare are always around the corner, holding hands, waiting to pounce. 

Yesterday was an example of a terrible, no good, awful, horrible day. Pickle lost her blanket that she calls Duggee, which is her most precious possession. She has had it since she was born. It has almost been lost more times than I can count or want to remember. It was tatty, old, probably crawling with uninvited microscopic guests, (despite me washing it weekly) and ripped in several places. It was almost permanently on her nose and it comforted her more deeply than a best friend or a sibling, certainly more than we ever could. She took it to the fair, and as we were leaving the fair, it simply wasn't in her hand. We went around to every single stall that we had visited, asking everyone we saw, while Pickle cried as if her heart would break, (Italian widows in a rainstorm would be envious of the depth of her sorrow and grief) as she wailed "my heart is BREAKING mummy. I cannot live without Duggee. What if he's lonely and sad without me?! I can't breathe I can't breathe I can't breathe!!!!!" but no luck. The rest of the day was a write off. A very large amount of time was spent talking about Duggee and where he is, how he is, why he is lost, when will she ever be happy again ("Mummy I won't sleep, I won't play with my friends, I won't eat anything, I will never be happy, my heart will break and I will DIE") and whatever we did, was riddled with anxiety and grief. It was really like she had lost part of her heart. We comforted and helped her process as much as we could, and she did eventually fall into a deep sleep. Unusually and unprecedentedly, she slept until 9:30 in the morning. 

Maybe because of this, or maybe because I gave her extra anxiety medication this morning, or maybe because she had processed so much of her grief the day before (and we all know how great it feels after a monumental cry) or maybe because the moon was in Jupiter with Zucchini rising, or maybe because I had an apple for breakfast and then watered my flowers earlier than usual and it was cloudy today, she was a dream today. Every single thing we did with her, she participated with happiness, energy (ohhhh my god so much energy) sweetness, communication, politeness, enthusiasm, joy, love. She was just like this perfect angel of a child. She went biking in the morning, running around at a favourite outside walking tower with playground and hot dogs and First Nations dancers and running back through the forest for almost three hours, then going to the lake in the early evening. She came home and we watched a movie. Sounds like a great recipe for a perfect day right? 

And then we had dinner. When she saw it, (delicious veggie pasta bolognese that Mikey makes) she was instantly livid. Making faces, pretending to throw up, when I suggested she has just a bite, screaming at me, reacting in such an explosive way that I would have been pretty shocked, were it not that my nervous system has learned to expect this, and I know that the more strict I am, and the more I fight her on it, instead of coming alongside her, the more escalated she becomes, and then it triggers me and we both end up in a bad state. Mikey was great, he just sat there calmly and talked to her about it. I ended up making a deal with her but it was hard won. One bite (ONE!) of the pasta and I would make her toast with banana. It did work. I do not feel like I cracked any kind of code or found any sort of solution. 

It is hard, afterwards, even when you're so used to it, to instantly become calm again

So, it just goes to show. Man, you never know eh. Zero to one hundred in a flash. 

Thanks for reading x






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