Chair hug?

 It was the end of a hot day. We were all tired and a bit cranky. Emotions were at an all time high and pickle had had a terrible day at school, having been told off a lot for talking and being disrespectful. Her heart was breaking a little. Daddy was making dinner. I was sitting on a rocking chair, one of those that has no hard edges, is shaped a bit like a bean, has no legs, and no matter how hard you try, you cannot hurt yourself, even when you rock so far back that it actually stops, you can't fall off or get hurt. It's almost like some sort of therapy chair. Pickle was sitting at her desk doing whatever it is that she does at her desk. And believe me, it's not the regular stuff you'd expect people do at desks. 

For whatever reason, she came over to me and sat on me as I was gently rocking, in a spider formation - facing me with her legs straddling mine. She then tucked her little soft head underneath my chin, my all time favourite position, rested her cheek on my shoulder, scrunched her arms up between us, and, with my arms encircled around her in the tightest embrace possible without me hurting her, we rocked back and forth, back and forth, back and forth together as the music played in the background. It lasted for over 10 minutes and I don't think I can remember a time when she has been so still, so silent, so focused, so intentional, and so relaxed. Her whole body melted into mine. It was as if she finally took a deep deep deep breathe and sighed it all out, finally releasing all the things that had gone wrong in her little heart that day. 

Needless to say, my love for her was exploding inside and outside me, all my oxytocin was reproducing like crazy and my dopamine was getting hit after hit, and I said after a while "this is my favourite thing to do in the whole world" and before I'd even finished saying it, she murmured "me too mummy". It was the closest and most precious moment I have had with her in a long while. We connected again.

All the fights, all the little daily hurts, all the struggles, all the confusion and frustration, it's like this 10 minute chair hug wiped them all away, and my pickle realised it just as I did. She asked for it tonight but I couldn't because I was in the middle of eating dinner, but I wished I had. I will make sure it becomes a daily thing, because it could be part of her healing process, and her blossoming. 

Thanks for reading x