Completely and totally exhausted

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 I love my daughter with every fibre of my being. Every single cell in my body, every single hair that grows out of my body, every muscle and tendon and vein and artery and bone and nail and skin particle adores her fiercely, endlessly, from head to toe, from front to back, from tip to tail. There is nothing and noone more important to me than her, and I honestly don't think I could love more than I love her. She is my world, my moon, my sun, my galaxy, my stars. 

But she drives me, at this point in her life, absolutely bananas. Every evening she won't go to sleep without some kind of almighty battle that involves endless negotiations, usually a lot of tears, debates, pleas, bargaining tactics, it's like some kind of courtroom in this house. Every night she wakes me up at least twice, sometimes a lot more. She usually ends up on the mattress that I have put in her bedroom for ME so that I can fall asleep in her room so she will GO to sleep, and yet still, I don't even get that to myself. If I sneak back into my own bed in my own room with my own husband, she wakes up at 1, 2 or 3 am and comes into our room, and either snuggles in with us, ending up kicking and punching me until I am tearing my hair out and end up coming back into her room, or I just get up and go into her room with her as soon as she awakes. Every morning she is up and either wanting to snuggle in with me, in my mattress in her room, or up asking for TV as early as she gets up. The answer is always no, and there is another world war 3. 

Meals are a battle. Dressing is a battle. Cleaning up is a battle. She never stops moving and she never stops demanding things from us. Even when we do have family movie nights, she does more cartwheels, head stands, handstands, somersaults and general acrobatics than any trapeze artist I've seen at the circus. 

Playdates are hell. I end up mediating and it's more exhausting than if we were to just do something with her alone. So we just end up doing stuff with her just the three of us. It's just too much. 

I'm so tired of it all. I just want to cry all the time. 

Anwyay. She's exhausting. But so, so lovely in the midst of it all. I am so tired, and always, always pissed off and trying desperately not to show it. 

Is every child like this? I do wonder. 

Thanks for reading, from a tired Mama

x

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