Last blessed day of summer

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Well it certainly was a summer of learning. My pickle grew about 3 feet in two months, and my heart grew at about the same rate. I also found out what I do not want to happen during the summer, which felt like it lasted 2-3 years. I don't want to get to the end of the school year and dread the summer starting, but I am already dreading it. And this one hasn't even ended yet. 

Pickle was challenging, and I found the whole summer to be more exhausting and stressful than any other time during her life. I guess every parent goes through this, especially in the summers, but I think the first summer is probably the hardest. So, with that logic, surely it can only get better next time? 

I had stopped drinking completely, from Christmas to June essentially, and in the summer, all that went out the window. I started drinking heavily again, stopped exercising, as I was with Pickle all day every day, and had no time to exercise, and basically I had absolutely no time to myself whatsoever. Not even to stop and do some work. The only times were when I was doing a gig, or teaching the odd piano lesson. 

Next year, I will prioritise my health and my mental health. I have GOT to make more of a routine for myself that means I can get some kind of "me" time. This used to be laughable to me, now it's essential for my survival. She is with me every second of the day, and she also sleeps next to us in our bedroom. I never, ever get a break. I know I'll miss it when it's gone, so I should really savour it and treasure it now, but it is just so tiring. 

Added to that is the fact that my precious little one has so much anxiety, and such a lot of needs. I never want her to lose that lovely spirit of energetic creativity she has, of relentless curiosity, of unsatiated communication and of infinite mischievousness, but it’s really really exhausting for us both.

Thanks for reading x

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