Yet another blogging mummy

First day of Kindergarten.  My little girl is absolutely loving it. It's as if all the problems, all the fights, all the horrible bits of her, have somewhat dissolved. The many, many, MANY things that I had feared, that have run us ragged, that have turned me (back) into an alcoholic, that threatened to destroy my soul and my relationship with my husband, these all seem just to have drifted away somehow. Maybe on the morning mists, maybe on the evening sunset. I am dealing with a very different person. It's not linear, it's not black and white. But, something has changed. Something has shifted. And I feel like I am starting to be able to become my own person again. A person who has healthy amounts of time to do things like this. To exercise. To work. To prepare my work. To think. To sleep.  My nervous system is starting to begin to return to normal again. I feel more whole. More reasonable. More like a grown up. More like the person I was born to be. A mother, and a teacher...

This is wonderful.  I am sitting at my table, with my coffee, (kept company by many tiny fruit flies) doing some work, while my wonderful husband keeps my little Pickle busy at the playground, and I have, for the first time in many, many, MANY months, been able to have some time to just breathe, in my own space, in my own house, by myself. Just to breathe. I went on a run this morning (I have been running every day this and last week, feels great) and then I got back, expecting to be met by the usual chaos and noise, and there was nothing. Just....peace. Ahhhhhhh. I feel very, very lucky. Last night, we had a dance party. Friday nights are now going to be our dance parties, I have decided. Even if it's just two or three songs. Pickle loves it SO much and it's a great way to connect. Then my husband and I collapsed on the couch after dinner, and Pickle just played. By herself. For ages. Up to half an hour she played. It was so unusual, so unexpected, and so desperately needed fo...